Pretend
by Kazucchan
Summary: Deep inside, the boy knew that he was not being honest himself. He kept going on about how people hurt him and how he wanted to hurt them too, but the truth is, he just wanted to find people he could truly call friends. If only he was honest to himself from the start, maybe he didn't have to pretend.


**Pretend**

In Shutoku High, when someone mentions the name Takao Kazunari, one's thoughts would automatically drift to the certain little ball of sunshine that is the basketball team's point guard. One would automatically think of the never-fading smile on his lips, his laughter, his teases, and his outgoing personality. One would automatically think of his comical banters with his friend (?) Midorima, and the lengths he'd go just to appease the grumpy greenette. The guy looked so lax and carefree all the time even with him baby-sitting Midorima, people around him actually wonder how he could keep smiling and laughing all day.

"It's because he's Takao, silly," the others would sometimes joke when asked. "His carefreeness and happiness and flamboyance are _beyond_ human comprehension."

Even his teammates say the same thing. "Damn him, he's just cracking up whenever I threaten to hit him with a pineapple, that guy," Miyaji says, clicking his tongue. Kimura and Otsubo would laugh behind him and say that only crazy people would actually believe him when he says that. The blonde third-year would lash out at them, seething in anger. "Kimura, give me a pineapple, I'll hit both of you!"

Kimura would shake his head in amusement. "As if I would."

However, whenever someone mentions that name to Midorima Shintarou, he'll endlessly babble about Takao stealing his assignment for the umpteenth time he almost misses his deadline. "I'll kill him," he says with conviction.

They'll all laugh afterwards.

Takao Kazunari. The friendly boy who gets along with everyone. The boy with the motto: "The people who enjoy life are the true winners." The boy who _never_ showed his sadness.

They like Takao the way that he is.

* * *

And for that, he'll forever keep up his ruse.

* * *

 _It's not like anybody knows who he truly is._

 _No one knows that his bright smile was carefully crafted throughout the years and made for the purpose of deceiving others._

 _No one knows that his laughter was the result of endlessly practicing in front of the mirror almost every day, before going to school._

 _No one knows that his outgoing personality was his own shield, his own wall that he built against pain._

* * *

People often believe that everything goes Takao's way, that the world spins whichever direction he wants it to spin.

They're wrong. Nothing ever went right in his life.

That's why he'll continue to deceive people: make friends with them, get along with them, and then slowly break their hearts, just like what the world did to his.

That was his vow when he was in his final year of middle school, in front of the mirror. Angry. Bleeding. _Crying._

 _It'll all be worth it in the end, right?_ He thought that time, clutching the fabric just over his heart. Maybe he won't have to deal with this pain anymore, once he exacts his revenge.

* * *

First day in Shutoku High, and he had already gained lots of friends. He pretended to be friendly, introducing himself warmly, helping others when they are in need, getting along with everyone, making them laugh and smile.

Everyone instantly liked him.

 _So gullible,_ Takao thought as he smirked mirthlessly, washing his hands on the sink.

 _This won't be hard._

* * *

He _didn't_ expect the turbulence that is the basketball team.

* * *

The ravenette always liked playing basketball. It remained the constant thing in his life, amidst all the pain and the betrayal. That's why he joined the Shutoku basketball team. It'll also be a great opportunity for him. Apparently, there will be a lot of members. Meaning, more people to trick.

But alas, he couldn't believe his eyes when he saw a towering figure to his left, with his spectacles and green hair and bandaged fingers, in the gym where the coach gathered the new players.

 _Why the heck is he here?_ The silver-eyed boy gritted his teeth in frustration. _Why is a person from the legendary team that crushed his former team, of all people, here?!_

Once he reached home, he threw his bag on his bed and stomped to the bathroom. Takao let the water from the faucet run freely as he splashed his face with water.

He knew that he shouldn't be this angry about Midorima Shintarou. Takao was not angry about the outcome of the match before: of course there'll always be a winner and a loser in every game. Seeing those vibrant hair colors just reminded him about what happened after the match, when his former teammates _hurled hurtful words at him and called him ugly things and_ -

 _Enough._

The boy heaved a long sigh. _Calm down._

"Maybe it wouldn't be that big of a problem," Takao said softly, looking at his reflection in the mirror. He doesn't know what the others see in his eyes, but his classmates will certainly think that he's bad news once they see his dead orbs.

He didn't even manage to convince himself.

* * *

"In due time, I'll toss you passes that'll make you ooh and ahh, Shin-cha-"

 _What?_

Takao stopped himself from talking. The point guard stared at Midorima, gliding his fingers above his lips, looking distraught and shocked.

 _What did I just…?_

"Don't call me that because it sounds over-friendly, Takao," Midorima said, then went back to practicing his threes. Behind him, the raven-haired boy contemplated his words.

 _What was that? Why would I say that?_ Takao bit his lower lip _. I shouldn't be feeling encouraged and determined like this._ He licked his lips and ran his hands through his hair.

 _They should be the ones bending to my will, not me._

* * *

The longer he practiced and hanged out with his team, Takao felt his purpose wavering.

Whenever they did crazy things, he would smile and laugh, but he wasn't entirely sure if he was still faking it. Whenever they played an official match or even a practice game and won, he could feel happiness spreading from his heart to his whole body and share high-fives and 'bro-hugs' between his teammates.

 _Stop it,_ he would warn himself. He should not be enjoying or playing around. He should continue to deceive, deceive, and deceive. To pretend, pretend, and _pretend_. And in the end, he would tell them that everything that happened between him and them were just lies, that he didn't have fun with them at all, that he was just doing all of this for his revenge.

He kept repeating those things over and over in his head, but he wasn't even sure if he still wanted it.

* * *

Takao realized that he was caught in his own trap once he admitted to Midorima that he still wanted to play basketball with everyone in their game against Rakuzan. He thought of all the practices he and his teammates did, not wanting all of those blood and sweat to be wasted. At that time, all he wanted was to win, because they deserved to win, because everyone did his best.

The sting of losing against Rakuzan was painful.

But the tears he shed weren't only because of that.

The point guard had come to realize that he didn't want to continue pretending any further. After many many months, he finally got people to recognize him, to acknowledge him. Takao wanted to show his true self to them, to be honest about what he really feels.

But he won't. Rather, he can't.

He had wronged many people too much, but he was so scared, so selfish to lose them.

 _He'll keep his secret with him forever._

* * *

It was now winter of their second-year in highschool, the Winter Cup coming dangerously close.

The starting five were practicing brutally on the court, not wanting to give away their crown. Their name, "The Legendary Kings" was renewed now that they won the Inter-High. Their teamwork was better than ever, their offense and defense nearly impenetrable, thanks also to the advices of their seniors*.

"Gather round!" Miyaji* said, clapping his hands. The five of them allowed their breathing to regulate first before ending the practice.

"Thank you for performing well today. It's a miracle that I didn't feel like hitting anyone with a pineapple today. Especially you, Midorima," Miyaji said.

The said boy just let out a huff.

"So… change your clothes. We're leaving afterwards, this practice is over."

Midorima, Takao, Miyaji, Kimura, and Ichijou made their way to the locker room and changed their clothes. They made sure to wear their scarves, since they'll freeze to death if they don't. After arranging their stuff, they soon left.

"Um… guys…" Miyaji started as they trudged through the snow-filled road. Thankfully, the snow's not yet thick, but if they're not careful, they'll trip.

"Hm?" Kimura started.

"I was just thinking… Could we, you know, go somewhere first?"

"Do you really have to include us Miyaji-san? Ah, are you going to treat us to dinner?!" Takao said jokingly, eyelids fluttering.

"Fuck off, brat. I'm asking you nicely."

Ichijou chuckled. "Where are we going, senpai?"

"Just… to the park." The blonde senior looked actually serious. "I want to talk to you guys about some things."

Ichijou and Takao settled to sit on the swings, while Midorima, Miyaji, and Kimura fit themselves on the bench now facing the swings that they moved from its original position. They remained silent for a few moments, just observing the snow falling from the sky.

"What did you want to talk about, Miyaji?" Kimura asked. "And why here?"

Miyaji scratched his head. "Well, I thought about doing this with you guys yesterday, but I chickened out. I only remembered doing this right after we left. Um… It's… Actually, Kiyoshi-nii was the one who encouraged me to do this." He looked up the sky. "Instead of just talking as basketball players, I want us to talk as friends. I want to learn about your problems. We should learn how to understand each other, not just about basketball, but also in our lives as normal teenagers."

Takao flinched a little at Miyaji's words. _So they were having this now?_ This was what he wanted to avoid of all things: talking to each other about his/her problems. Their captain noticed his flinch and smiled a little knowingly.

"So! Let's start with Midorima. Got a story you want to tell?"

The greenette looked uncomfortable and adjusted his glasses. Takao was honestly surprised when he started to talk about his Teiko days. At the same time, he was happy and relieved that his partner had finally opened up to the others, the one thing he couldn't do.

"You may have heard this from me already, but I found warmth in Teiko. Even though the others- especially Aomine and Kise- were just playing around almost every time, we were happy. You see, I was branded the 'weird horoscope freak', or something like that. It did not really affect me that much, they were _ignorant_ people after all, but I wanted someone to tell me that it is okay to have these quirks. I found those people in Teiko. That is why I deeply regretted not stopping them before their personalities worsened. I know that me too, at some point, have become like them, cold and unforgiving, but I knew what was happening to us. If only I have stopped them…" Midorima closed his eyes. "But that was the past. Everything is alright now, and I have found new warmth in Shutoku." The greenette glared at his teammates trying to hold back their laughter. " _It's not funny_! Well, that is it. All is well that ends well. You go next, Ichijou."

"Okay, okay, fine." Ichijou said, forcing the last of his giggles out, before sighing. "As for me… I don't really have major problems anymore, but I want to share that we hit rock-bottom before, during my middle-school days. My parents were working out on some insurance plan for our future, but they were swindled by conmen, robbing us with most of our money. I tried my best to support them, working as a part-timer and going to school at the same time. But that wasn't enough. Last summer, I suggested to my parents that I stop going to school for a year. They were super angry at me, saying that I shouldn't worry about fees because they'll do something about it. I honestly felt like crying, because right then and there, I realized that my parents would do anything for me. Thankfully, those conmen were arrested, and our money was back, although only a part of it. The police are still tracking the remainder of the money as of now, but we're not yet having problems, so it's fine."

Everyone was in awe at the boy's story. "I didn't know you could be a martyr, Ichijou. But I'm very proud of you. I'm sure your parents are, too." Kimura gave him a soft smile which he returned. "Alright, I'm next!" the skinhead announced merrily, as if they're not talking about problems at all.

"You'll be shocked at my story, even Shinsuke nii-san's friends doesn't know this."

"Huh? Is it really that shocking?" Takao asked.

"Yep."

"Then spit it out, Kimura," their blonde senior said curiously.

"Gunmen tried to kill me."

Kimura laughed at his friends' reactions. Their eyes almost bulged out of their sockets. "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

"You knew before that my father was running as a government official, right? There was this nemesis of his that wanted to eradicate him so much, enough to want him to kill us."

"That's sick, senpai!" Ichijou gasped.

"I know, right? But since I'm a lucky person, maybe a person with the same sign as me was carrying our lucky item around," Midorima didn't even retort since he was also engrossed in Kimura's story. "I escaped death. The first time was in an amusement park. I was fooling around with my friends, and all of a sudden a bullet zoomed its way past through me. I was so scared I cried. Good thing the police managed to capture the gunmen and told my father. The bastard who ordered it was arrested after finally confessing. He didn't even have the guts to deny, he downright admitted it! What a coward."

"Are you finally okay now?" Midorima asked.

"Well, yeah. Our family's safe as of now, but we're taking extra measures, just in case."

"That was intense." Miyaji cleared his throat. "I'm gonna tell Kiyoshi-nii to grill your brother later." He was answered by a "whatever".

"Well, I guess it's my turn. This is really really cliché, but who cares? I know Otsubo-san and Kimura-san know this." Miyaji adjusted his scarf. "Our cheater of a mother went back last month."

Takao looked at him sadly. Miyaji Kiyoshi might have told him something about their mother cheating while abroad, but he didn't know that she still had the guts to return."That… sucks."

"Yeah." Miyaji attempted to laugh. "Just when we were finally moving on… She had to come back. She wanted us to accept her again. She asked with tearful eyes, I thought my father would give in. But I'm happy that he didn't. We don't need someone like that in our family. People say that giving second chances is important, but in our case, I don't really think so. Some people just don't deserve second chances."

"That's deep, Miyaji." Kimura teased, but his eyes were full of understanding. "Now…" His eyes trailed to the person sitting on the swing next to Ichijou who hung his head low. The atmosphere instantly turned tense. "Takao. It's your turn."

Honestly, Takao knew that this day would come. Sooner or later, he'll have to admit everything to his teammates, his friends. But he's scared that if he finally confesses everything, they won't be around anymore.

Deep inside, the boy knew that he was not being honest himself. He kept going on about how people hurt him and how he wanted to hurt them too, but the truth is, he just wanted to find people he could truly call friends.

If only he was honest to himself from the start, maybe he didn't have to pretend. Maybe he didn't have to keep his fears and secrets. Maybe then the wounds in his heart would have healed by now.

All these years, he thought he was losing things. But the truth is, he didn't manage to gain anything.

He was still miserable, the same as that time when he faced himself on the mirror.

 _Maybe it's too late now._

"Takao."

Something cool came in contact with Takao's cheek. He glanced up, and the first things he saw were the concerned faces of his friends. He didn't even realize that they were now kneeling in front of him. Midorima was the one who wiped his face with a handkerchief. There was sorrow in his eyes, and Takao realized that his own eyes brimmed of tears only when he touched them.

"We knew." Midorima started once he kneeled with the others. "You always looked uncomfortable in your own skin, like you wanted to just harm yourself. You have a problem, don't you? I have noticed this a long, long time ago, but I didn't make a move. This was always my weakness, having a heart-to-heart talk with people. But now, I want to sincerely talk to you, Takao. We want you to tell us what really happened. Maybe we can help you. No, we will help you."

"Your mother also requested us to do this. And your former seniors. They have noticed things, too, especially your mother. She knows something, but we didn't press her into answering. Also, we wanted you to be the one to tell us," Miyaji said and the others nodded.

Takao was hesitant at first, but when Midorima's hand covered his smaller one, he finally had the courage to explain to them everything.

"The world… hated me."

The others looked at him with pity. Takao tried to swallow a lump in his throat, but it wouldn't go away.

"I was repeatedly betrayed by the people I thought were my friends. During my elementary years, most of my friends were just trying to mooch things off me. I always took extra effort when it came to them, and they have taken advantage of me. They finally admitted to me that what they only wanted was the treats I could offer, but they didn't look guilty at all. We were young back then, so I didn't exactly hold a grudge. But that was just one part of the story."

"My middle school was hell. A certain classmate of mine really hated me. He would assemble a group of boys that follow him and then they'll take it out on me on a secluded part of the school grounds. He would call me obscene things, and then they would kick me and punch until they were exhausted. My parents were attending to something during those times, and they didn't know, but the one they hired to take care of us wasn't of much help. That's why I did things on my own, and managed to hide my wounds."

"When I was already on the starting five of the basketball team, that classmate was upset. He was a regular, but I got into the starting five first before him. I wanted to talk with him to end everything, and he was the one who gave the venue. I didn't know that something bad was going to happen to me."

"What…" Takao could see Midorima gritting his teeth. "What happened?"

"He gave an abandoned house as a venue. I went inside, and then… People started to pin me to the ground. They ravaged me, removed my clothes, and touched me on the places I didn't want them to touch. It… It was horrible, I…" Takao massaged his forehead with the pads of his fingers. He could feel his head ringing; just remembering what happened made him want to vomit. "They… They didn't enter me, but it was… just terrible."

"I didn't tell anyone about what happened, but I confronted my classmate. He denied every accusation I threw him. He was good at manipulating; he left before I even got the chance to do something." The ravenette wrapped his arms around himself, shaking. "He didn't bother me again, but his friends continued their abuse. They were mostly basketball players; they were taller and stronger than me. I couldn't do anything."

"The worst thing that happened was when we lost against Teiko in our final year. I knew that my teammates lost hope even before the match ended, but the people who hated me put all the blame on me, saying that I didn't try hard enough that's why my last shot never went in. It was true, but it was because my teammates weren't performing well, so I had to do it all by myself. They were spreading lies about me, getting people to hate me. And then one day, they started bullying me physically again. They tied me up in one room, covered my mouth with tape, and gave me their worst beating. It was the worst." He didn't realize he was crying again until Midorima tightened his grip on him. "I vowed to myself that I'll hurt other people the same way that they hurt me. I'll break their hearts and deceive them. But upon meeting you guys… I forgot that everything I did was all just an act. My smiles, my laughs, the words that came out of my mouth, they all became real. That's when I realized that I was caught on my own trap. I regretted all my decisions, but I couldn't confess everything. I was scared that you'll just leave me when you'll finally know. But I won't lie anymore. You guys have always been truthful to me, but all I ever did in return was lie to you. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, _I'm sorry_ …"

Midorima shushed him and hugged him; told him it was okay, that they weren't angry. All the Shutoku basketball team felt regret. They should have asked Takao sooner, relieved him from all his pain. They knew that he was suffering; they should have done something earlier!

"Takao…" Miyaji inched nearer to the crying boy and pat his head affectionately. "We'll always be here. You're not alone anymore. You don't owe those bastards anything, and you certainly don't need to be like them because they're not worth it, you hear me?!"

Takao looked up to him, and saw the blazing sincerity in his eyes. "Miyaji-san, I…"

"No need to explain anything. You may have attempted to deceive us, but you stopped yourself, because you're kind and forgiving. You have forgiven them, haven't you? It's yourself you couldn't forgive. Forgive yourself, Takao." He also gave the shaking boy a hug.

"Miyaji-san…" Takao's eyes widened when Kimura and Ichijou also stood up and joined the group hug. "Everyone, I…" He buried his head on Midorima's chest. "I'm sorry!"

The four boys let Takao lean on them as he cried, his shoulders shaking. They felt pure relief. At last, Takao had fully opened up to them. They were always fond of the boy, even when they always act like he's an annoyance. A heavy weight faded from their chests that day, especially Takao's.

 _He had gained something irreplaceable._

* * *

"Go to the bus now! We'll be leaving in ten minutes!" Coach Nakatani ordered to the crowd who gathered in the gym. The Shutoku basketball team carried their bags and went to the bus with the starting five at the lead.

"We'll conquer the trophy this Winter Cup." Miyaji said, certain that they could do it.

"Hell yeah!" Ichijou said.

"We're the 'Legendary Kings', we can do it." Kimura grinned.

Midorima adjusted his glasses, a small smile splattered on his lips. "We did everything humanly possible for this day. We'll win." He gave a look at the smaller boy beside him. The point guard just grinned.

"Of course," Takao said, giving a smile with so much brightness it rivaled the sun's.

* * *

 _It's never too late._

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry if this was a long drag. This was actually just some sort of experimentation (I don't know what happened). I was having a hard time starting my next multi-chaptered fic and during those unproductive days, the scenes of Shutoku comforting Takao invaded my mind. So to finally end those replaying scenes, I decided to write this. Do review, please! :D**

 **Oh, and guys… May I ask you a favor? It's pretty obvious in my stories that I still don't have a beta reader so if you could suggest some amazing beta readers (that write MidoTaka), please tell me! I have a certain person in mind, I know that she's good, but I want to hear more suggestions!**


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